Clearly Not A Dragon
by VigoGrimborne
Summary: A one-shot concerning a ridiculous plan to get Toothless accepted by the village. Vikings hated dragons, true. But they also weren't the most intelligent people in the world...


**_Author's note:_ Well, being sick sucks. But in the 48 hours I am stuck in this state, my mind wanders quite oddly compared to usual. Here is the result of a cold bad enough to render me speechless (literally.) Note that dragon training class with Gobber doesn't seem to exist in this story. Blame my semi-comatose state for that. Also, Astrid doesn't play much of a part. Feel free to imagine how she reacts to all of this.**

 _Looking back, Hiccup was pretty sure something had gone very, very wrong with his head that day. Maybe he had hit it on something while playing tag with his best friend in the cove, though he didn't remember that happening. It was the only explanation he could come up with for his ridiculous decisions that day. While he had a flair for crazy and dramatic plans, this one was in a class by itself, above and beyond anything he'd ever done. How had it gone..?_

He sat against his best friend's scaly side, slowly regaining control of his breathing. It was mildly gratifying to feel Toothless panting behind him. At least the Fury was out of breath. He had made his friend work to catch him, though there was only so much ducking and dodging a ninety-pound boy could do when running from a Night Fury. Playful pursuit or not, Toothless had put all of his speed into the chase.

 _It had been a vivid stroke of inspiration, he recalled. Or insanity. Hard to tell, even now._

Hiccup blinked once, twice. His mind had just been struck as if by lightning. A quick glance up confirmed that the sky was still cloudless and sunny. Apparently, Thor also dealt in metaphorical lightning. Or maybe Loki, given what he was considering. He turned his head, staring at Toothless's considering expression.

"Bud, how good are you at acting..?"

 _Really, the idea was something the twins might have come up with. But even they would have dismissed it as impossible and continued brainstorming. But he had been stubborn, and blind to the potential consequences._

* * *

Fishlegs saw them first. He dropped his book, falling flat on his face in one of the alleys on the outskirts of the village, where he had been reading in the relative peace that was so hard to find in most of the village. Picking himself up, he tried to wrap his mind around what he was seeing.

Hiccup smiled nonchalantly, his hand dropping to rest on the creature's head. The black creature with reptilian eyes, however rounded and cute they might look at the moment. "Fishlegs, just the person I wanted to see!" His voice was happy and excited. "You know animals, right?"

Fishlegs stuttered incoherently. When he regained control of his vocal cords, his words came out as a confused whisper. "Yes?"

"Great!" Hiccup stepped aside, gesturing to the animal behind him, who licked its paw and rubbed its face like a cat, entirely unconcerned with what was going on around it. "Mind helping me figure out what he is?"

Fishlegs eyed the scales, wings, and massive green eyes. "Uhh..." He was too confused by the utter nonchalance that both Hiccup and the creature exuded, along with the radiating waves of cute from the creature, to react as a Viking should. "Dragon?"

Hiccup shook his head, grinning. "That can't be right." Fishlegs didn't hear the almost imperceptible irony in Hiccup's tone as he continued, seemingly entirely candid. "Dragons are vicious, mindless beasts. So clearly, this guy can't be a dragon."

Toothless warbled curiously and began batting at a discarded plank, seemingly entranced by the plain piece of wood.

Fishlegs was disarmed even more by that, and after a moment shuffled closer, eyeing the creature. "That is true..." His voice became more excited as the obvious conclusion hit him, the only real answer to this paradox. "It must be a new animal entirely! A... winged salamander! Or something."

Hiccup nodded happily. "That's about what I figured. Not a dragon, surely."

The hefty boy eyed the salamander's wide eyes, complete lack of spikes or horns, and total innocence. "Yup. Definitely not a dragon. Where'd you find it?"

"The woods. He took a liking to me." At that the salamander licked Hiccup's hand, crooning pleasantly.

"So..." Fishlegs considered the situation. "Now what?"

"Well, I want to keep him. He'd make a great pet." Hiccup ruffled the salamander's odd earflaps. "But he does kinda look like a dragon at first."

Fishlegs snorted. "Maybe to the average Viking. He's nothing like a Nightmare of Nadder. Totally different."

"Will you help?" Hiccup gestured towards the rest of the world beyond the alley. "Vikings can be stubborn. They'll attack before figuring out he's not a dragon."

"Sure!" Fishlegs eyed the salamander, who was now rubbing his head against Hiccup's legs, purring. "Are there any more?" This thing looked like the perfect pet. He was beginning to want one for himself.

Hiccup frowned. "I don't think so. Not around here anyway. We can always keep our eyes out though if the village doesn't act hastily."

"Yeah. We will." Fishlegs considered how best to approach the situation. "Stay here with..."

"Toothless." The salamander obligingly displayed a mouth devoid of teeth as Hiccup spoke. "We will."

Hiccup tried to hold his laughter in as Fishlegs scurried off. "Geez bud, you really went all out."

Toothless snorted, a small fireball impacting the dirt in front of them.

"Hey, no fire around here. Winged salamanders don't breath fire." Hiccup and Toothless both chuckled. "Stick to the plan, and this might actually work." One down. The rest of the village to go.

* * *

Fishlegs pulled Ruffnut and Tuffnut aside right as they exited the Great Hall. "Guys!"

Ruffnut eyed him suspiciously. "What's with you?"

"Yeah, your face is bright red!" Tuffnut chimed in, both twins following Fishlegs as he half ran and half walked back through the village.

"I need your help." Fishlegs made sure no one was around. "Hiccup found a new animal in the woods. It looks like a dragon, but isn't one."

"How do you know?" Ruffnut asked. "If it looks like one?"

"Believe me, it definitely isn't one. I stake my reputation as the most learned man on Berk on it." Fishlegs put his hand to his heart. "It's Hiccup's new pet. We need to make sure the village doesn't attack, thinking it's a dragon."

The twins shared a glance. From anyone else, they'd think this was a prank. But Fishlegs didn't do that kind of thing. Tuffnut spoke for both of them. "We're in."

* * *

The next morning Hiccup showed up at the forge, Fishlegs and the twins in tow. Gobber eyed the newcomers oddly. "Oy, Hiccup. What're they doin' 'ere?"

Hiccup laughed. "They're backup. I found something, and Vikings have notoriously quick reaction times. Reflex before thought."

"Eh?"

"Gobber, I got a pet." Hiccup opened the back door of the forge. A large black head peaked through, eyes on Hiccup and ears up.

Gobber flinched, his good hand going to the nearest ax- only to find Ruffnut had already moved it. Tuffnut had gotten his hammer away. Gobber opened his mouth to yell at them, though whether to get down or to give his weapons back was unclear.

Fishlegs cut him off with an absolutely unamused tone. "Gobber, relax. It's not a dragon."

Gobber glanced at the black reptilian head, which appeared to be... purring? He shook his head. "It's got scales!"

"It's a winged salamander." Fishlegs pulled out his own personal notebook, and flipped to a newly filled page, complete with drawings of Toothless provided by Hiccup. "Read this."

The notebook had been Fishlegs' idea. Vikings could barely read, and most couldn't write. They tended to believe anything presented in written form as fact, especially things such as this.

Gobber read aloud. "The winged salamander appears to be a dragon, but lacks the fire, aggression and general bloodthirst of the similar species, along with being totally distinct in specific appearance. It's most dangerous part is the power it exerts with its unintentional cuteness." His voice grew confused as he continued reading. "Not extremely dangerous. Do not kill on sight." The gears were turning in his head, and those last words felt like an unbreakable command, just as the book of dragon always said to kill on sight.

The... winged salamander warbled curiously at him, sniffing in his general direction.

Gobber sighed, shaking his head. "An' I thought I'd seen everythin'." He gestured at the creature.

"Well, get in 'ere. I wanna see it." Had he been thinking more clearly he might have instead gone outside to see it. But that thought only occurred to him once the salamander was completely inside, staring around like it had never seen the place before.

After a few minutes of examining the creature, Gobber was totally convinced. "Aye, this is no dragon." He tapped Toothless's nose with his good hand, chuckling as the salamander backed up quickly.

"I'd 'ave lost a hand there if it was. My limbs are dragon delicacies." With that, he turned to look at Hiccup. "Ye plan on keepin' it?"

"We were hoping you could help with that..."

* * *

"All right, shut up ye dunderheads!" Gobber yelled, trying to be heard over the noise of a crowded Great Hall. "I've got an announcement!"

Miraculously some of them heard him and silenced their friends. When the crowd had quieted to a dull murmur, Gobber grinned. "Aye, that's more like it." He coughed. "Alrighty, let's get on with it. Long story short, something was found in the woods."

A confused murmur echoed through the hall.

"Oy, keep listenin'. After a long and thorough investigation, Fishlegs and I agree. It isn't a dragon." Gobber pulled out Fishlegs' notebook. "Got it documented right 'ere. So if ye see one o' these around the village, it's just 'iccup's new pet." Gobber stepped to the side and gestured to the back door. "Introducin' the first winged salamander any of us 'ave ever seen!"

The door opened, and Hiccup came through. Toothless tried to follow but appeared to get stuck in the narrow side door, squirming helplessly.

Hiccup sighed as he tried to pull the much larger reptile through. "Shoulda... gotten a... bigger door." He wheezed in between bouts of fruitless pulling.

For the first time in three hundred years, the Great Hall was completely silent despite being filled with Vikings. Even with Stoick and the warriors gone, that was a lot of noisy Vikings. Even as the reptile finally squeezed through, no one moved or spoke. All was still, waiting for whatever came next.

Toothless was well aware that he was the center of attention. Making every effort to appear harmless and adorable, he burbled happily and licked Hiccup on the face, before sitting on his hind legs and smiling awkwardly at the assembled crowd.

More silence. Then a little girl burst out of the crowd and ran up to Toothless, staring up at his inquisitive face. She held out a small hand and showed that she was holding the remains of a chicken leg.

Hiccup panicked for a moment, worried about how Toothless would react. Did his friend even eat-

Apparently Toothless did indeed eat chicken, as shown by him carefully licking the small fragment of food out of the girl's hand. She giggled and smiled at him, and he smiled back.

That broke the floodgates, and the hall was inundated by a thousand questions and exclamations of shock. Quite a few of the children raced to crowd around Toothless, who watched them all with bright eyes and a happy expression. The adult Vikings decided pretty quickly what was going on. Between the evidence in front of their eyes and confirmations from Gobber and Fishlegs, they accepted the truth. This thing was no dragon because it was harmless. Those who noticed its sharp claws only saw that they were always sheathed and no one saw Toothless's teeth because he kept them retracted.

Truly, the biggest problem Hiccup had from most of the Vikings was something he hadn't at all expected.

Eventually, Hiccup had enough. He and Toothless left the Great Hall. "No, he's not for sale!" Hiccup yelled over his shoulder. "And why would I want Gustav? He's your kid!"

Toothless chuffed, dropping his puppy-eyed expression to don one of unamused annoyance at the offer.

Hiccup smiled tentatively, putting Gustav's quite negligent parents out of his mind. "So far this is going great." It was beginning to dawn on him how badly this whole plan could have gone. "Can you keep it up until dad gets home and gets used to you?"

That was met with a snort and a very exaggerated roll of reptilian eyes. Of course, he could.

* * *

The village quickly got used to their resident 'winged salamander'. So much so that Toothless was mobbed by small children on a daily basis. That did have a few side effects though. Parents constantly approached Hiccup about buying the winged salamander, though for their children or for themselves was never quite clear. Hiccup rejected all offers, of course. Once it had become clear Toothless was not for sale, most of his admirers began combing the woods of Berk in their free time, hoping to find another winged salamander of their own. No one ever did. The few who couldn't be dissuaded on purchasing Toothless made several attempts to buy the salamander's loyalty directly, but Toothless seemed oblivious to the intent of the bribes. He followed Hiccup everywhere, acting like a large and graceful puppy.

In private, Toothless complained about keeping the constant cute facade up, and Hiccup paid him off with extra fish. They both understood that the act needed to be kept up at least until Stoick came home. Then Toothless could gradually drop it, reverting to the sarcastic and playful 'winged salamander' he was.

Not everyone liked Toothless though. Astrid never really came around to the idea of a playful winged salamander, and Toothless avoided the only Viking who still fingered her ax every time she saw him. Mildew also put up a small fuss, though he wasn't in the village often enough for that to matter.

On the other hand, Snotlout was one of the more aggressive pursuers of the newest village resident. He was the only one to truly test Toothless's patience, constantly trying to lure the 'winged salamander' away from Hiccup. Not being able to retaliate at all was driving Toothless crazy. But it was one of the few dark spots in what had been a perfect plan.

That was the situation when Stoick docked at Berk, his fleet in tatters. He greeted Gobber sourly.

Gobber took in the ruined ships. "I trust you found the nest at least."

"Not even close. I hope you had a little more success than I did." Stoick noticed that what seemed like half of Berk had come down to greet their absent family members.

"Aye, more than ye think." Gobber grinned. "Yer son found somethin' quite interestin' in the woods. He's become somethin' o' a celebrity. Well, 'im and 'is new pet."

Stoick groaned. "Pet?"

"Aye, the most popular thing on Berk. I've 'ad to stop half the village from searchin' the whole island for one o' there own. Toothless seems to be one o' a kind 'round here."

"What is it?" Stoick ran through a list of animals native to Berk that could be found in the woods. "A wolf? Some wild boar?" He really hoped it wasn't a sheep. Mildew's pet Fungus was bad enough. "And he's been keepin' it where, exactly?"

"Ey, calm down Stoick. None o' those. And Toothless's hutbroken. 'E's quite graceful, really. Far more than Hiccup anyway." Gobber smiled at Stoick's confused expression. "A word o' advice. Don't look at 'im when he wants somethin'. Those eyes can break the toughest Viking. Hiccup doesn't want 'im getting fat."

"Do I have no say in my son inviting some animal into our home?" Stoick groaned, still wondering what it was. "Hiccup's never wanted a pet before."

"Aye, neither did I. But if another o' those winged salamanders ever shows up, I'm enterin' the lottery Hiccup's gonna set up for it." Gobber grinned. "He came up with that when Sven and Ack cornered him on what would happen if we only found one or two. Turns out, we haven't found any, so it don't matter."

"What exactly is a winged salamander?" Stoick had never heard of such a thing.

"Eh, how to describe 'im... think scaly, winged, and adorable. Ye should jus' go an' see. They're probably still in the shop." Gobber deftly stole Stoick's hammer as he walked past. Best not to take chances. Toothless did look like a dragon at first glance.

Hiccup was well aware that Stoick had returned. This was the final hurdle. With that in mind, he and Toothless were ready. When Stoick walked into the shop, he saw...

Hiccup... sitting on a scaly black mass, using it as a chair as he absently sketched, completely at ease. The black mass crooned contentedly, not even bothering to open its eyes.

Instinct deeply ingrained made Stoick reach for his hammer, before realizing he didn't have it.

Hiccup held up a hand, seemingly unaware of Stoick's presence. "Bud, can you pass me the extra charcoal pencil?"

Stoick watched in bemusement as a tail shifted from the mass, deftly lifting the aforementioned pencil and dropping it in Hiccup's lap.

"Thanks." Hiccup said, scratching the mass under him. It purred approvingly. "I'll fall off if you keep doing that."

The purring increased. Hiccup wobbled, unsteady. "Seriously!"

The tail whipped out again, landing against Hiccup's back, providing support. Hiccup turned to see his new backrest with a smile. That was when he noticed Stoick, who was watching... hands twitching... and jaw slowly dropping. Hiccup smiled as if everything was normal. "Dad, you're back!"

"Aye... and what is-"

"Didn't Gobber explain?" Hiccup eyed his father's shaking hand. It was literally itching for a weapon, he could tell. But Stoick the Vast was entirely capable of attacking with his bare hands, so they clearly had made an impression. "I found a winged salamander."

"That's a dragon."

"No, it isn't." Stoick also missed Hiccup's subtly ironic tone. "Dragons kill and attack mindlessly, so Toothless can't be a dragon. Gobber, Fishlegs, and the rest of the village agree."

Stoick eyed the black reptile suspiciously. "But..." He couldn't argue that logic, not when it was proved by his son even as they spoke. Maybe it was better to focus on the practical side of things. "We don't have extra to feed it."

"We go fishing. He can fly," Hiccup eyed his schematics and a mass of leather on a nearby table "now anyway, so we actually bring in extra food for the rest of the village." They had introduced the riding aspect gradually, once the village had gotten used to the winged salamander in their midst. It was now a common sight to see Hiccup and Toothless soaring over the village, sometimes giving the more adventurous and less strictly parented children rides.

"I don't want it in the house. It'll break things."

"Hasn't yet..." Hiccup winced. "And I'm still working on repairing the siding from the accident last month, by the way."

Stoick remembered that. It drove home that his son was apparently more destructive than his pet. Well...

Two green eyes glanced up at him, a soft sigh escaping the... winged salamander's nose. The pupils were black and so wide as to almost banish the green entirely.

Stoick the mighty warrior held the gaze for a full fifteen seconds before breaking, a time only Hiccup had ever topped. "Fine."

* * *

Over time Stoick grew fond of Toothless. Stoick still couldn't stand dragons, but this winged salamander was something else entirely. It helped that the creature so clearly doted on Hiccup. It also helped that as time passed the salamander grew more and more like Hiccup, sarcastic and amusing, as opposed to the cute and innocent image it still occasionally projected. Stoick attributed that to his son's corrupting influence, but it was more entertaining than anything. However, the constant requests to find more of the animals were a bit annoying, and they had all been transferred to him when he got back.

The most ludicrous of all was one made by a small girl, who wanted the annual dragon nest hunt repurposed to search for winged salamanders. Stoick denied her that the first year. But after the dragons stopped raiding, he reconsidered her request.

Stoick hadn't noticed his son's prolonged absence from Berk immediately before the raids stopped, or the fact that both boy and salamander came back sooty, triumphant, and slightly traumatized. The chief had a lot to deal with, after all.

Such as the Outcasts, led by his estranged friend Alvin the Treacherous. Once the dragon raids ended, his old enemy began a series of annoying needle-prick attacks on Berk, a few Outcasts lurking in the woods and ambushing anyone they found.

Stoick wasn't thinking about Outcasts at the moment. He and Hiccup, with the ever-present Toothless by their side, had been wandering the woods, one of the father-son activities Hiccup had at some point gotten him to try over the last few years. It was something all three of them could do. That was especially important because Toothless wouldn't consent to being left behind, and neither father nor son wanted to leave him anyway. Stoick had at some point come to view the two as inseparable halves of a whole. Which fit, as both were harmless and sarcastic. The harmless aspect of Hiccup worried him, but hopefully, that would change in time.

"...So I told Ack to paint the entire fence yellow, instead of green!" Stoick recounted a particularly amusing argument he had settled. "That way the sheep would see it and stop running into it."

"Why were the sheep running anyway?" Hiccup asked, glancing at Toothless. "I know for a fact they're not scared of Toothless anymore."

"No idea." Stoick pondered it.

A sword swung out of the bushes, landing at Hiccup's neck. Hiccup stopped, petrified.

"Come quietly or the boy dies." The voice was clearly serious, and an Outcast soldier stepped out of the bushes, flanked by five more, all armed. "The chief, his son, and..."

Stoick took advantage of the shock of the Outcast to heft his hammer. However, he never got the chance to fight.

Toothless roared, a sound Stoick had never heard except in play, which was apparently a pale imitation of the real thing. The salamander launched forward, ripping into the offending Outcast with tooth and claw, screeching so loudly that the man's cries of agony went unheard.

By the time Toothless looked up, eyes slits and mouth covered in blood, the remaining Outcasts were gone, screaming as they ran off into the woods. Toothless snorted and angrily blasted the sword that had been at Hiccup's throat, a distinctive blue fireball shattering the somewhat rusty metal. Then his pupils expanded again, and he began to spit, wiping the blood off on leaves.

Stoick knew that screech, that blue fire. He also saw that Hiccup was grateful, but not at all surprised. So his question was directed at Hiccup. "How long have you known?"

Hiccup shrugged. "Always." He assisted Toothless in wiping the blood off, dirtying his tunic in the process.

While he worked he talked, his voice careful. "Vikings hate dragons, and that wasn't something I could change. We're stubborn. But they don't hate winged salamanders. Mostly because they don't exist. I didn't try and change them, I just introduced something they had no prejudice against."

Stoick nodded slowly. "Instead of slamming your head against the rock..."

"I climbed over." Hiccup nodded at Toothless. "Or flew over, or Toothless charmed his way over. However, you want to look at it." He squinted at Stoick. "So..?"

His mind whirling, Stoick worked his way through the problem, considering everything. He began to smile. His son and the creature were two halves of a whole, all right. Peace and violence coexisting both in the animal and hopefully the boy. He had a feeling if Toothless was ever threatened they'd see Hiccup's hidden side.

"So I would have done a lot worse to that Outcast if Toothless hadn't gotten there first." Stoick responded. He held a hand out to the winged- no, to the Night Fury. "Next time, give me a piece of the action, you selfish reptile."

Toothless churred agreeably.

"We'll just... not say anything." Stoick smiled at Hiccup. "They'll figure it out eventually. But it won't matter."

"Maybe. Vikings aren't the most perceptive people." Hiccup frowned. "I really bet on that fact when I came up with the idea..."

 _He tried to recall when it had struck him, that crazy plan... Looking back, Hiccup was pretty sure something had gone very, very wrong with his head that day. But hey, it had worked._


End file.
